Finding the Classroom

Wednesday morning I took Middle Son to school.

He had spent the night at MomC's.   Normally MomC's mother takes Middle to work on Wednesdays so that MomC can get to work on time.  This week grandma was sick.  So I meet MomC at her workplace and got Middle.

We were late, so I had to go to the attendance office to sign him in.  We've done this enough times that the attendance secretary recognizes us and automatically calls Middle's classroom.  His aide or teacher comes to get him from me.

This time the secretary wasn't there.  Rather than explain to one of the students behind the desk, I decided to take him to the classroom myself.  There was just one problem.  I don't know where his classroom is.

I decided to ask Middle and see what he would do.  I asked him to take me to his classroom.  He hesitated and then started walking slowly forward.  I asked him again, and said "You know where it is, show daddy."  He continued at a leisurely stroll.

I wasn't sure if he could, but sure enough he took me to the right room.

Searching for Sweets

As far as we can tell, food is one of the most important things in Middle Son's world.  He has a huge sweet tooth.  He also has a very good map in his head of where goodies are in the house.

For Christmas we got him a yard of licorice and a yard of cookies (3 foot long containers).  We've been letting him each big chunks of them on request.

We keep them in the pantry.  Our current house has a walk-in pantry, and we've put a keypad lock on it so that we can store things there and Middle can't get into them.

Last night, we heard the beep-beep sound of someone hitting the buttons on the keypad lock.  It was Middle.  We asked if he was looking for his cookies and he signed yes.  So I gave him the last box from his yard of cookies.  He was very happy to sit and munch on them.

I turned the big box upside down to show him that it was empty, then left it on the table.  Hopefully he understood that and won't be upset that there are no more cookies.

Bottomless Pit

Middle Son eats a lot.  Given that he is fifteen, this is not a surprise.

This weekend, as he sat down at the dinner table for about the 5th time, My Beloved Wife commented that he was having a bottomless pit weekend.

The she asked him if he was a bottomless pit.  To our amusement and surprise, he signed "yes."

I'm never sure how much language Middle really understands, but in that moment it sure looked like he understood the question.

Lunch

I took Middle Son to the neurologist this morning.  It was a routine follow up.

We decided to increase his anti-seizure meds.  My Beloved Wife and I have noticed lately that if Middle misses a dose there is a good chance he will have a seizure.  That suggests that his dose is borderline insufficient.

We also decided to switch him from the SSRI he is currently taking to different one.  We are seeing some obsessive behaviors.  When we increase the dose of his current SSRI the behaviors go away but are replaced by different ones.

After the appointment, I took Middle to Arby's for lunch.  We got our food and sat at a table.  Middle was very happy.  He swayed with the music.  He ate and drank.  He giggled.  At one point I saw him signing "yes" as he swayed.

He looked very happy.  I wonder if "yes" somehow equates with "happy" for him.  I can imagine that it would.  Usually when he uses "yes" it means that he is going to get something that he wants.

It was a very sweet moment.

Flying

The boys and I traveled between Christmas and New Years.  We went to Austin for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.

On the flight down, Middle Son got agitated while we were boarding. He grabbed my arm and held on.  Hard.

I remember the first time I flew with him. He was very young, three our four. He was seated next to me in the middle seat.  He grabbed my arm and pulled out diagonally across his body. He held out there the entire flight. If I tried to move it he pulled it back.  I was his shoulder belt

Going to Austin I gave Middle a sedative once we were seated.  I've done that on other trips.  I wasn't sure if I would today our not.  On other flights he has calmed quickly after we were airborne and the pressure in his ears equalized.  Since he was upset upon boarding I decided to err on the side of caution.

Coming back, I didn't give him the sedative.  He was definitely more anxious.  He linked arms with me, and held on for most of the flight.  But he didn't have any outbursts or blowups.

In all, two successful flights.

Xbox One Update

As expected, Oldest Son was very agitated when he found out we got an Xbox One.

In conversation, the issue turned out to be what he had heard about the camera.  He thought there was a built in camera.  He thought Microsoft could activate it remotely and take pictures or video whenever they wanted.

There is a kernel of truth in that, but only a kernel.  The original spec did have a built in camera.  There was a plan to allow you to play your games on someone else's Xbox that relied on facial recognition using the built in camera.  There was an outcry when that plan was announced, and it was scrapped.

I reassured him that it doesn't have a built in camera.  He calmed down.  Somewhat.

The next day I asked him how he was feeling about being in the house with the Xbox One.  He said he was now ok with it.

That was a relief.

Nice?

Nice and strong.

I was reading through an old draft that I never posted, and it got me thinking about the relationship between being nice and being strong.  In our culture being nice is often equated with being weak.  Being mean is strong.  People are told they need to be more assertive, more aggressive, not so nice.

The first special-needs nanny I got to take care of Middle when he came to live with me said that I was "too nice."  My Beloved Wife has said that about me a few times.

I find that for me, I need to be nice in order to be strong.  If I come out of the gate aggressively I usually end up backing down.  It doesn't fit my personality--I become very anxious and have a hard time following through.  But if I am nice and persistent and insistent, I usually get what I want.

I've seen it mostly clearly with the school system.  As the parent of two children with special needs, I've had lots of opportunities for conflict.  When Oldest Son was in sixth grade he had a very difficult year.  Bad enough that the district did not want to put him in general education for 7th grade.

We looked at multiple programs in both the district and private schools.  I remember talking with someone from the UW autism center.  She asked if I thought the district was going to listen to us or just do what they wanted.  

In the end, the district asked what we wanted to do and then did it.  I remember that MomC was surprised that they agreed to pay for private school.  I wasn't.  I had invested a lot of time going to the school, talking to the teachers and principal.  They new that I was aware, involved, and knew my rights. I had been pretty sure we'd get what we wanted and we did.

I saw it again a couple of years later with Middle Son.  He had been working with the district's sign language teacher.  I had rearranged my work schedule so that I could be there and get mini lessons of my own.

The following year about a month after school started I still hadn't heard when the sign teacher would be coming.  So I asked.  I was told that the district had set up some new programs in specific schools.  The sign teacher was only going to those schools.

I sent the principle and the assistant superintendent for special ed a very polite email asking why Middle was not receiving a service he had received the previous year.  (For those not familiar with Special Education Law, that's the sort of question that could lead to a lawsuit if answered incorrectly.)  Their response was that the schedule was being "reviewed."  A few days latter I got an email that she would be coming to work with Middle.  The principal said the sign teacher was excited to come work with him because I was so supportive and was using sign with him at home.

I later heard through the grapevine that eight elementary schools had requested that she come work with their students.  The other seven were told "no."

So it is possible to be nice and strong.