Today MomC and I took Middle Son to an appointment at the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation. His School-to-Work transition program is partially funding by DVR and they needed us to come in and take care of some paperwork.
I had brought in the paperwork that we got in advance. The case walker thanked me more than once for being so thorough when I filled it out. It brought that feeling I get when Dr.'s are impressed that I know the names, dosages, and timings of all the medications that Middle takes. It seems like that should be normal, not impressive.
MomC brought him to the appointment. Was at her house last night and today because they are on mid-winter break (she's at teacher). When we left, Middle started walking to my car. His mom told him to come with her and he kept going towards my car. I had to tell him three times and then finally give him a little push to get him to go with her.
I always feel bad for both of them when that happens. But especially for her. When Youngest Son wants to stay at MomC's house instead of coming to mine, there is an obvious explanation. He wants to go hang out with his friends, or stay home and play with his dog. He absolutely loves dogs, has since he was a toddler.
But Middle doesn't want to do that. He mostly stays in his room and watches TV at my house and at hers. The explanation that comes to mind, is that he likes being with me better than her. Now that I think about it though, there is another possible explanation. He doesn't want to be with his younger brother, who is usually at his mom's house.
I'm glad I thought of that. It makes me feel a little better.
Friday, February 14, 2020
Monday, February 3, 2020
A Break in the Rain
We've had rain here in the Seattle area. LOTS of rain. So much rain that two rivers had stage 4 flood warnings. As it happens, those to rivers merge less than a mile from my house. I was nervous about it over the weekend. I packed up a bug-out bag in case we had to leave in a hurry.
Yesterday, we had some glorious sun. Middle Son was frantic to get outside. One of his favorite things to do in the whole world is shred grass. When it is pouring rain, he's not very interested in going outside. He doesn't like to wear a hood or a hat, and he doesn't like getting his head wet. When the sun came out, he wanted to be out there shredding. Sunday morning when I got up, he was sitting at the table with his shoes and coat on. On the way home from church (it's only three blocks away, so we walk) he grabbed a handful of grass when we got close to our house and shredded it on the porch.
After lunch, he came to me again with his coat and shoes on. I let him out in the back yard. He stayed there, merrily shredding away, until I brought him in as it was getting dark. His hands were filthy--he was pulling up mud with every clump of grass that he grabbed.
It was nice to see he doing something that he gets so much satisfaction from, even if it is weird to my eyes.
Yesterday, we had some glorious sun. Middle Son was frantic to get outside. One of his favorite things to do in the whole world is shred grass. When it is pouring rain, he's not very interested in going outside. He doesn't like to wear a hood or a hat, and he doesn't like getting his head wet. When the sun came out, he wanted to be out there shredding. Sunday morning when I got up, he was sitting at the table with his shoes and coat on. On the way home from church (it's only three blocks away, so we walk) he grabbed a handful of grass when we got close to our house and shredded it on the porch.
After lunch, he came to me again with his coat and shoes on. I let him out in the back yard. He stayed there, merrily shredding away, until I brought him in as it was getting dark. His hands were filthy--he was pulling up mud with every clump of grass that he grabbed.
It was nice to see he doing something that he gets so much satisfaction from, even if it is weird to my eyes.
Feeling Social
Last week Middle Son was unusually social with me. He came and sat down next to me on the couch several times, which he rarely does. He also appeared to be interested in the game that I was playing on my laptop. He pointed at the screen and tried to touch things more than once. I tried to help him touch the right controls for the game, but he wasn't that social.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Dungeons and Dragons
About a year ago Youngest Son started getting interested in D&D. MomC called me one day and told me that "Youngest is dying to play D&D with you." It turned out that his best friend was setting up a game, and Youngest wanted to use my Player's Handbook. When he got to my house he said he was going to watch a YouTube video on how to make a character.
He seemed very impressed when I told him that I knew how to make characters and I could help him. We spent most of the day making characters. It reminded me of when Oldest discovered role playing games.
He didn't have friends to play with (being on the spectrum, he had a hard time making friends), so we played. The first game we played was the Star Wars RPG. His character was an Ewok. Our very first game, he was crawling around in the air ducts of an Imperial base. I had him fall out of the ducts into the dining hall and land in a big bowl of mashed potatoes. It made a big mess and started a food fight.
Good times.
He seemed very impressed when I told him that I knew how to make characters and I could help him. We spent most of the day making characters. It reminded me of when Oldest discovered role playing games.
He didn't have friends to play with (being on the spectrum, he had a hard time making friends), so we played. The first game we played was the Star Wars RPG. His character was an Ewok. Our very first game, he was crawling around in the air ducts of an Imperial base. I had him fall out of the ducts into the dining hall and land in a big bowl of mashed potatoes. It made a big mess and started a food fight.
Good times.
Friday, January 24, 2020
Dodged a Bullet
Wife 2 and I got divorced about 18 months ago. I got something in the mail last week that, once again, confirmed my decision.
Wife 2's younger daughter has type 1 diabetes. During the time we together, Younger was a regular visitor to the ER. She was hospitalized multiple times. I have been fortunate enough to have excellent medical insurance last dozen years. I did go through some times of crappy insurance in the early '00s. So her episodes were not a major financial burden.
Younger got some mail at my house last week. It turned out to be a collection notice. She owes Overlake Hospital about $1600. I assume it was an ER visit.
If Wife 2 and I were still together, we would almost certainly be helping out with that bill.
Since we are not, I dodged that bullet.
Thursday, January 23, 2020
Apples and Oranges
Last night, Middle Son was hungry when we got home. Dinner wasn't going to be ready for a while. I gave him an apple and encouraged him to eat it multiple. He just sat there with it. Eventually I cut it up into quarters. He snarfed it up. He was still hungry, so I gave him an orange. That he ate whole, the way most people would eat an apple.
Many are the Mysteries of Middle.
Many are the Mysteries of Middle.
Wednesday, January 22, 2020
Going to School
Youngest Son "missed the bus" yesterday. We thought he was at school. Then the school's automated attendance system called to report him absent. As a teacher, MomC can't just leave to go deal with problems. I can. So I'm the lucky one who gets to go get Youngest and take him to school.
It's become a significant problem this year. Most weeks I've had to get him and take him to school at least once, often twice. And he isn't doing homework.
Some days MomC can't get him to get out of bed. I've never had him refuse to get out of bed. It reminds me of when Oldest Son was in Middle School. MomC would call because she couldn't get him out of bed. She said she even tried pouring ice water on him. I could get him out of bed over the phone--I didn't even need to be at her house.
MomC is ok with having him spend nights at my house as a consequence--if Youngest doesn't get up on Monday, then he has to spend the night at my house on Thursday. Monday's and Friday's are the most likely days for him to try and stay home. If he's at my house, he doesn't give me as much trouble as he gives his mom. MomC doesn't want him to change his residence to living with me--I've brought it up occasionally, and a few months ago she asked me to stop bringing it up. It made her feel like I thought she was incompetent and I was a super-parent who could fix her mess. Which is not exactly wrong. It is a significant exaggeration.
I'm not crazy about staying at Dad's house being a consequence for misbehavior. I think (I hope) his big objection to coming to my house is that he doesn't get to be with his beloved dog Soldier. I'm not interested in having Soldier at my house. He's not been trained well and is wild.
I think that overall Youngest would be better off living with me. MomC would fight that tooth and nail. Frankly, I don't think it would be good for me to have Youngest living with me right now. I'm better than I was six months ago, but still somewhat fragile/frail in terms of my ability to cope with life.
When you are struggling to stay afloat, you shouldn't pick up another rock.
It's become a significant problem this year. Most weeks I've had to get him and take him to school at least once, often twice. And he isn't doing homework.
Some days MomC can't get him to get out of bed. I've never had him refuse to get out of bed. It reminds me of when Oldest Son was in Middle School. MomC would call because she couldn't get him out of bed. She said she even tried pouring ice water on him. I could get him out of bed over the phone--I didn't even need to be at her house.
MomC is ok with having him spend nights at my house as a consequence--if Youngest doesn't get up on Monday, then he has to spend the night at my house on Thursday. Monday's and Friday's are the most likely days for him to try and stay home. If he's at my house, he doesn't give me as much trouble as he gives his mom. MomC doesn't want him to change his residence to living with me--I've brought it up occasionally, and a few months ago she asked me to stop bringing it up. It made her feel like I thought she was incompetent and I was a super-parent who could fix her mess. Which is not exactly wrong. It is a significant exaggeration.
I'm not crazy about staying at Dad's house being a consequence for misbehavior. I think (I hope) his big objection to coming to my house is that he doesn't get to be with his beloved dog Soldier. I'm not interested in having Soldier at my house. He's not been trained well and is wild.
I think that overall Youngest would be better off living with me. MomC would fight that tooth and nail. Frankly, I don't think it would be good for me to have Youngest living with me right now. I'm better than I was six months ago, but still somewhat fragile/frail in terms of my ability to cope with life.
When you are struggling to stay afloat, you shouldn't pick up another rock.
Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Back Again
It's been several years since I posted anything. Not for lack of things to post. My Beloved Wife and I got divorced about a year and a half ago. Back in May, at the strong urging of my manager, I went out on disability leave for depression. I was out for six months. I've been back now for two months.
One of the things that I realized while I was out was that I can't keep caring for Middle Son at this level of intensity. Since My Beloved Wife became ex-wife number two (hereafter referred to as Wife 2) I've been taking care of Middle all by myself. No paid or unpaid caregivers. Just me. Mostly it's manageable, but sometimes it manifestly IS NOT manageable.
I've do a little bit of investigation to find an external placement for him. No luck so far. Everyplace (except one) required that residents be able to do things like call 911 or manage their own medications, which Middle can't do. The one that doesn't have requirements that he can't meet is in Vancouver, Washington. Vancouver is about four hours away. And it doesn't take Medicaid. So that one is out too. I don't want Middle so far away that I can't visit on weekdays. And I can't afford to pay out of pocket.
Oldest Son is doing well. He's working at a grocery store and seems to be happy with the work. He was employee of the month in November and was very proud about that. He started an architecture and design program at the local technical college this fall and is in his second quarter. It seems to be going ok. MomC says he really wants to move out of her house, and asked if I'd be able to help. I can help some, but I'm not doing it unless he asks me directly. He will need a roommate. I'm not going to subsidize him enough to have his own apartment.
Youngest Son started Middle School this year. He is having a hard time. He doesn't want to go to school, especially on Monday and Friday, which are the days that they run in PE. He says school makes him really sad. This weekend he told me that he feels sad more often than not. :-( He started seeing a therapist last week. We've met with the school counselor. MomC asked what she thought might be going on. We were thinking that maybe he is being bullied in PE. The counselor said there are so many possible causes that it wasn't worth speculating. She talked to the PE teachers and they were not able to identify any specific problem.
Middle has moved to the "Transition Academy" at school now that he has finished his senior year of high school. The program that he's in is focused on figuring out what kind of work he is capable of and might enjoy doing, then finding him a paying job. The program that he is in is all kids on the lower end functionally/developmentally. It is expected that they will always need to have a job coach around to keep an eye on them. The staff says he is doing well and it probably won't be difficult to find him a job. One of the places that they go is a place that does horse riding therapy, and he seems to enjoy sweeping up there. It doesn't surprise me. He rakes leaves with great vigor and joy. Although it's difficult to keep him pointed in the right direction. He did a great job of spreading out mulch the last time I put mulch down.
More posts to follow.
One of the things that I realized while I was out was that I can't keep caring for Middle Son at this level of intensity. Since My Beloved Wife became ex-wife number two (hereafter referred to as Wife 2) I've been taking care of Middle all by myself. No paid or unpaid caregivers. Just me. Mostly it's manageable, but sometimes it manifestly IS NOT manageable.
I've do a little bit of investigation to find an external placement for him. No luck so far. Everyplace (except one) required that residents be able to do things like call 911 or manage their own medications, which Middle can't do. The one that doesn't have requirements that he can't meet is in Vancouver, Washington. Vancouver is about four hours away. And it doesn't take Medicaid. So that one is out too. I don't want Middle so far away that I can't visit on weekdays. And I can't afford to pay out of pocket.
Oldest Son is doing well. He's working at a grocery store and seems to be happy with the work. He was employee of the month in November and was very proud about that. He started an architecture and design program at the local technical college this fall and is in his second quarter. It seems to be going ok. MomC says he really wants to move out of her house, and asked if I'd be able to help. I can help some, but I'm not doing it unless he asks me directly. He will need a roommate. I'm not going to subsidize him enough to have his own apartment.
Youngest Son started Middle School this year. He is having a hard time. He doesn't want to go to school, especially on Monday and Friday, which are the days that they run in PE. He says school makes him really sad. This weekend he told me that he feels sad more often than not. :-( He started seeing a therapist last week. We've met with the school counselor. MomC asked what she thought might be going on. We were thinking that maybe he is being bullied in PE. The counselor said there are so many possible causes that it wasn't worth speculating. She talked to the PE teachers and they were not able to identify any specific problem.
Middle has moved to the "Transition Academy" at school now that he has finished his senior year of high school. The program that he's in is focused on figuring out what kind of work he is capable of and might enjoy doing, then finding him a paying job. The program that he is in is all kids on the lower end functionally/developmentally. It is expected that they will always need to have a job coach around to keep an eye on them. The staff says he is doing well and it probably won't be difficult to find him a job. One of the places that they go is a place that does horse riding therapy, and he seems to enjoy sweeping up there. It doesn't surprise me. He rakes leaves with great vigor and joy. Although it's difficult to keep him pointed in the right direction. He did a great job of spreading out mulch the last time I put mulch down.
More posts to follow.
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