School Meeting

MomC and I had a meeting today with Youngest Son's school about his lack of attendance.  I unfortunately was not able to make the call.  I had a Dr's appointment that was supposed to start at 9:30 but didn't actually start until 9:55, and the call was at 10.

Apparently we are getting close to the point where Youngest is consider truant, which means the school will have to start filing paperwork with the court.  We really don't want to get entangled with the courts. If Youngest doesn't start coming to school by early January they have to file the papers.  They said that just getting him into the building would count.  If he comes and sits in the counselor's office and reads or does homework that would be fine.

Youngest has said to his mom and his therapist that he has a hard time coping with all the people.  Which seems like it could be true.  Both his brothers have autism and have sensory issues, so he might too, and he has ADHD.  They talked about a specific program, I can't remember the name of it now, that has smaller classes.  He may or may not be able to get into it.

I talked a little more with MomC about writing up a contract with Youngest, that he will have 2-3 months to improve to the point where he is going to school every day and passing his classes.  Otherwise he will have to come and live with me.

I hope it doesn't come to that.

Schools Again

 I had two noteworthy conversations about school yesterday.  One was with Oldest Son.  He has decided to sign up for a coding boot camp.  If he makes it through, he would likely be able to find a job where he could afford to move out of MomC's house.  That would good, and probably make everyone happier.

The second conversation was less positive.  Youngest hasn't been going to school.  MomC says "I just can't get him to get out of bed and go to school."  Which blows my mind.  I have a really hard time comprehending how she can't get him to do this.  As a general statement, he does what I tell him to do without fighting about it.

She called me to talk about it and see if I had ideas.  She also wanted to talk about what we're going to say when we meet with his school counselor later this week.  He's racked up a huge number of absences and tardies now and the school wants to talk about it.

I told her I didn't have any magic tricks.  I tell him to get up and he gets up.  Sometimes I tickle him a little.  She said she'd tried that, but it doesn't work.  Then I brought up the idea of him coming to live with me.  She's not reacted well to that suggestion in the past.  

This time was different.  She said that then he'd have to change schools.  Which is true.  We live in different school districts.  She said she wasn't sure about the middle school in my district.  My school district doesn't have as much money as hers does, and she's kind of a snob about it.  My response was that a school he actually goes to will be better than a school he doesn't go to.  She said she wasn't sure about that, which boggled my mind.

Then she said something really interesting.  "Then I could sell my house."  She is currently unemployed but has a huge amount of equity built up in her house.  She could live for years off the profit from the house and take a low stress, low pay job.

Which would mean youngest would be coming to life with me indefinitely.  I have mixed feelings about it.  I think he'd be better off living with me.  I'm less sure that I'd be better off with him living with me.  Taking care of Middle Son, I skate pretty close to the edge of what I can cope with.  I have a complicated emotional response to that.  Part of me feels guilty/insecure/insufficient.  Then I remember what Middle's Dr. said to me the last time I took him in--"if it seems hard, that's because it is hard."

New School

I'm back again, and planning to make it a more regular occurrence. 

This week I moved Middle Son back to the school district that I live in.  After Second Wife and I got divorced, I let MomC (Mother of my Children) talk me into moving him into the school district where she lived.  Her district has more money and resources.  She, like most people, assumed that that meant it would be a better program for Middle.  I was skeptical.  Second Wife had blown my mind by pointing out  that Middle's ability to consume educational resources is limited, and Middle's ABA therapist had said she thought Middle should go to school in the community where he was going to live after he got out of school, which is with me.  But having just gone through a divorce, I didn't have the energy to argue with her about it, and the logic that a district with more money is a "better" district had it's impact on me too.

Yesterday, the first morning, I walked Middle onto the bus.  The driver told him to sit in seat 7.  I told her that Middle doesn't know his numbers and helped him find the correct seat.  He had a little trouble with the seatbelt, so I helped him with that as well.

When he got back the first thing he did, even before taking off his coat, was sit down at the dinner table.  I opened his backpack and found that he hadn't eaten any of his lunch, so I got him food.  He ate a lot.

Today I stood on the porch while he got on the bus.  After school he still went to the table, but he didn't seem as hungry.  When I checked his lunch he had eaten most of it.

One of the interesting things they do is weekly shopping trips.  They cook breakfast and lunch in the classroom every day, and each kid is responsible for coming up with their menu plan, food budget, and shopping list.  They go shopping on the first Monday of the month.  I think this is a pretty cool thing, and am eager to see how Middle does with it.  Given his very limited communication, they asked me to send them a list of foods for breakfast, lunch, and snack.  It will be interesting to hear about they make a list with Middle and how the first shopping trip goes.  I told them that Middle expects to get a donut every time he goes to the store, so they are going to plan for that.

Go with Mom

Today MomC and I took Middle Son to an appointment at the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation.  His School-to-Work transition program is partially funding by DVR and they needed us to come in and take care of some paperwork.

I had brought in the paperwork that we got in advance.  The case walker thanked me more than once for being so thorough when I filled it out.  It brought that feeling I get when Dr.'s are impressed that I know the names, dosages, and timings of all the medications that Middle takes.  It seems like that should be normal, not impressive.

MomC brought him to the appointment.  Was at her house last night and today because they are on mid-winter break (she's at teacher).  When we left, Middle started walking to my car.  His mom told him to come with her and he kept going towards my car.  I had to tell him three times and then finally give him a little push to get him to go with her.

I always feel bad for both of them when that happens.  But especially for her.  When Youngest Son wants to stay at MomC's house instead of coming to mine, there is an obvious explanation.  He wants to go hang out with his friends, or stay home and play with his dog.  He absolutely loves dogs, has since he was a toddler.

But Middle doesn't want to do that.  He mostly stays in his room and watches TV at my house and at hers.  The explanation that comes to mind, is that he likes being with me better than her.  Now that I think about it though, there is another possible explanation.  He doesn't want to be with his younger brother, who is usually at his mom's house.

I'm glad I thought of that.  It makes me feel a little better.

A Break in the Rain

We've had rain here in the Seattle area.  LOTS of rain.  So much rain that two rivers had stage 4 flood warnings.  As it happens, those to rivers merge less than a mile from my house.  I was nervous about it over the weekend.  I packed up a bug-out bag in case we had to leave in a hurry.

Yesterday, we had some glorious sun.  Middle Son was frantic to get outside.  One of his favorite things to do in the whole world is shred grass.  When it is pouring rain, he's not very interested in going outside.  He doesn't like to wear a hood or a hat, and he doesn't like getting his head wet.  When the sun came out, he wanted to be out there shredding.  Sunday morning when I got up, he was sitting at the table with his shoes and coat on.  On the way home from church (it's only three blocks away, so we walk) he grabbed a handful of grass when we got close to our house and shredded it on the porch.

After lunch, he came to me again with his coat and shoes on.  I let him out in the back yard.  He stayed there, merrily shredding away, until I brought him in as it was getting dark.  His hands were filthy--he was pulling up mud with every clump of grass that he grabbed.

It was nice to see he doing something that he gets so much satisfaction from, even if it is weird to my eyes.

Feeling Social

Last week Middle Son was unusually social with me.  He came and sat down next to me on the couch several times, which he rarely does.  He also appeared to be interested in the game that I was playing on my laptop.  He pointed at the screen and tried to touch things more than once.  I tried to help him touch the right controls for the game, but he wasn't that social.

Dungeons and Dragons

About a year ago Youngest Son started getting interested in D&D.  MomC called me one day and told me that "Youngest is dying to play D&D with you."  It turned out that his best friend was setting up a game, and Youngest wanted to use my Player's Handbook.  When he got to my house he said he was going to watch a YouTube video on how to make a character.

He seemed very impressed when I told him that I knew how to make characters and I could help him.  We spent most of the day making characters.  It reminded me of when Oldest discovered role playing games.

He didn't have friends to play with (being on the spectrum, he had a hard time making friends), so we played.  The first game we played was the Star Wars RPG.  His character was an Ewok.  Our very first game, he was crawling around in the air ducts of an Imperial base.  I had him fall out of the ducts into the dining hall and land in a big bowl of mashed potatoes.  It made a big mess and started a food fight.

Good times.