Strange Place

Last night MomC agreed that Middle Son could stay at her house overnight because the bathrooms are torn up at my house and Middle is having trouble dealing with the situation.  However, she had a church event to go to.  Her sister had agreed to watch Youngest Son, but she's afraid to be left in charge of Middle (her Mom is also reluctant to be left in charge of Middle, though she will still do it).

I agreed to go over to MomC's and watch the boys.  I was there for a little over two hours.  My nanny, who had taken Middle to her house for the afternoon, brought Middle over to MomC's.  She said that Middle got upset when he saw that my car at MomC's house.  He settled down though and seemed fine while I was there.

I checked on Oldest to see how he was doing with his homework.  We looked at his Planner.  He's writing stuff down, but most of the teachers aren't initialing it.  At the meeting two weeks ago, we agreed that the teachers would initial his planner to verify that it was correct.  I have to email them about that.  He sat in the living room with me for a while, taking a break.  He said it was very strange to have me there in the house.  I agreed.  It's been 4 years, almost to the week, since I moved out.  I've come over a couple of times for birthday parties.  This was the first time I'd been there for any length of time without MomC present.

I talked to MomC this morning.  She said that after I left Middle came out wearing his coat and backpack.  He was upset that I had left and he had stayed.  He's not supposed to stay at her house on Monday nights, and he knows it.

Poor guy.

Bathroom Saga

Three weeks ago, we had a sewage back up that left about 1/2 inch of standing gray water in both bathrooms.  The landlord's insurance company decided that the flooring and lower 2 feet of wallboard in both bathrooms needed to be replaced because of potential fecal contamination.  I had them delay the work for one week so that they would be doing it while the three Sons were with MomC for the beginning of spring break.

Last week, when they ripped up the floor of the master bathroom, they found asbestos tile underneath the existing tile.  There was a lot of confusion about what was supposed to happen next.  The asbestos didn't get pulled out.  Nothing happened in the hallway bathroom.  The property manager was on vacation and very difficult to get a hold of.

Today the abatement team came in and took the asbestos tile out.  Then a plumber came in to reset the toilet and sink in that bathroom.  He called me shortly after he arrived and was kind of agitated.  Apparently the abatement crew ripped out the flange and he couldn't properly seat the toilet or the sink in the master bathroom.  He said he might be able to fix the toilet in the hall bathroom and the sink in the master.  He thought I was a contractor and got technical with me, and was asking about warranty and payment.  I clarified that I am the renter.  He said he would need to talk with the property manager, so I gave him her number.

I waited about 15 minutes, and then I called the property manager.  It went to voicemail.  I told her that the situation has reached the level of "health hazard/danger."  Middle Son is very agitated that he can't use the bathroom that he is supposed to use.  Yesterday I found him with shit smeared all over his clothes and face.  I asked her to call me and inform me what the plan is for getting both bathrooms working again.

I called my Beloved Fiancee.  She had actually spoken to both the plumber and the property manager.  The property manager was flustered and kept talking about how complicated it is and all the things that need to be done.  Beloved told her, "That's fine.  I understand that it is complex.  I need you to tell me what the plan is and when things will be working so that we can plan appropriately.  You are going to figure it all out, and call me before you go home.  Right?"

I call MomC, told her what is going on, and asked if she could keep Middle overnight.  Given what happened over the weekend, I want him out of the house as much as possible until his bathroom is fully restored.  I most definitely don't want him spending the night in the house.  She said ok, but she won't be home until 9.  Her sister was going to watch Youngest, and would probably be afraid to be in charge of Middle as well.  I offered to come over to her house and watch them both.

Then I called the nanny.  She said that the plumber had fixed the toilet in the master bathroom, but didn't get a sink going in either bathroom.  Apparently there is dry-rot in the hallway bathroom.  She offered to keep Middle overnight.  I told her that MomC is doing it tonight.  She also said that if things are still a mess on Wednesday, she would be willing to take Middle and Youngest (I have them both on Wednesday night's) overnight to her house.  Which would be wonderful.

I still don't know when this is all going to be fixed.

Disbelief

It was the kind of afternoon that, if I read about in a novel, I would be unable to maintain my suspension of disbelief.

I've been supervising Middle very closely in the bathroom this week.  After a bowel movement, I cleaned him up and then he wanted to take a shower.  So I started the shower and let him in for a while.  Eventually he came out and went into his room.

A little later he comes out of his room.  He has two big smears of poop on his shirt, and poop all over the left side of his face.  I pull him over to the sink, soap up a paper towel and start cleaning his face.  Middle doesn't like to have his face or head touched.  He starts pushing and trying to wiggle away from me.  I pin him against the kitchen counter.  He jerks loose and crashes into the back door.  He hit it hard enough to break the glass in the window.  So now there is broken glass all over the place.  My Beloved Fiancee comes running.  She and Younger Daughter start cleaning up the glass.  I keep the dogs and Youngest Son out of the kitchen.  And keep working to clean Middle Son's face.  He resists and resists.  I keep doing him that we are going to do this.  Eventually he takes the paper towel from me and cleans his own face.

I was mystified as to how he got poop on his shirt and face.  I know he was clean when he went in the room.   We went into his room to get some clean clothes.  While he was changing his pants, he reaches around and digs into his crack with his finger.  Aha.  Now I know how he got dirty.

What I don't know is how I'm going to stop him from wiping himself with his own hands.

Choosing Words

My fifteen year old future step-daughter, hereafter referred to as "Younger Daughter", said to My Beloved Fiancee this afternoon "Ma, what's for dinner?"

Beloved responded in an exasperated voice "Please, can't you give me a break?"

Younger Daughter replied "I wanna cook something for dinner!"

I interjected "You know, if you said 'Hey Ma, what should I cook for dinner?' you'd get a whole different reaction."

Sometimes choosing your words is almost the entire battle.

Long Night

As fall as I can tell, Middle Son was up all night last night.  He woke me up for food, to put on movies, and multiple times to use the bathroom.  One of my bathrooms is out of commission do to a main-line overflow recently.  The landlord's insurance is ripping out the flooring and lower portion of drywall.

The bathroom off my bedroom is the only one in the house the works.  Which means that every time anyone wants to use the bathroom, they have to go through my room.  Middle is having a hard time grasping this.  I keep finding him outside the hall bathroom.  I have it locked up, because Middle might not realize that the toilet that has been ripped up and is currently sitting in the bathtub isn't in working order and decide to take a dump in it.

So I had to get up, bring him into my bathroom, and watch him use it 3 times tonight.  If I don't watch him, he pulls the exposed insulation off the wall, dips it into the toilet bowl, and then waves it around.  Sometimes he is sticking his hand into the water in the bowl.  I don't know why.  I also don't know how to stop it.

Changes in Appearance

On Wednesday, we had a meeting at Oldest Son's school.  I arrived a little after Oldest.  I saw him walking towards the counselor's office, so I followed.  When I got there, I saw a woman standing next to him.  She was turned away from me, and I didn't know who she was.  I was about to introduce myself when I realized it was MomC.  Between the professional attire she had for her new job, straightening and coloring her hair, and the 50+ pounds she's lost since our divorce, I didn't recognize her.

School Meeting

We had a meeting at Oldest Son's school on Wednesday, to talk about his problems getting homework turned in and what we could do about it.

All the teachers talked about what they see happening in their classes.  They all stated some variation of "Oldest understands the material, but he's not doing his homework".  We talked for a while, and the conversation converged around "Oldest needs to use a planner to keep track of his work."

The meeting started to wind down, and I realized that while there was a consensus that proper use of a planner would solve many problems, there was no clear set of actions.

So I said: I see we're winding down and before we end, I want to be clear about what is happening next.  We're all in agreement that if Oldest uses a planner properly, it will address most of the problems he's having.  However, we've made multiple attempts in the past to have Oldest use a planner, and it's never succeeded.  In fact, the only real successes we've had with Oldest and homework have happened when there was someone sitting next to him prompting him on every single step.  The teachers were surprised to hear that.  So I was extra glad to have mentioned it.

It will be great if the planner works, but we need to be prepared for the possibility that it won't work.  How are we going to tell if it works, and how long are we going to try it before deciding that it does or doesn't work?  We need to decide quickly, because if it doesn't work there isn't much time before school is out to find another solution.

After some conversation we agreed to try the planner for one week.  I asked what, exactly, was Oldest supposed to do, and what exactly were the teachers going to do.  We agreed that Oldest would show his planner to each teacher at the end of class, they would verify that he had correctly written down the work he needed to do, and that they would note in their gradebooks that they had reviewed his planner.

The whole process reminded me of things that I do at work.  When we are decided what piece of software we are going to write next, we decide on the acceptance criteria--how we will know if the work is actually done.  And who is going to do what to demonstrate the the criteria have been met.

Oldest is on spring break next week.  When classes start back up, I'm going to arrange to come into school once a week and see what is happening.  If you show up, the teachers and administrators take you much more seriously, and it is easier to get what you want from them.