Tuesday, December 1, 2015


Oldest Son is a senior in high school this year.  I've been talking with him about working and jobs.  The conversation is going very slowly.  He will only talk to me about it when we are alone (or with Middle Son, since Middle doesn't talk).

Sometimes he asks me what kind of job I think he should get, or what he'd be good at.  He reminds me of the Mother of My Children when he does that.  MomC used to ask me that.  I never did figure out how to respond.

With Oldest, I try and turn it back to him.  He is the one who is the best placed to decide that.  When we talked about it last week, he said he doesn't think having a job is for him.  He doesn't want to have a boss he is beholden to.  I told him that is going to be tough.  There are lots of self-employed people out there, but you have to have the drive and capability to carve out a niche.  His autism will make that harder.  He has trouble initiating contact.  He has trouble with organization and follow through.

I struggle with how hard to push Oldest on this (and other) issues.  As his dad, part of my job is help him move forward in life, to launch out into the world.  He gets stuck easily, and needs pushes to keep moving.  It's a real struggle to find the correct balance.  I worry that I am erring on the side of pushing to little.  But when I push to hard, he refuses to engage.  I worry that if I push too hard too often, he'll withdraw and stop engaging with me at all.  If life at my house is too uncomfortable for him, he could just stop coming and stay at MomC's all the time.

My Beloved Wife and I were talking about it last night.  Apparently Younger Stepdaughter recently asked Oldest when he was going to get a job.  He said he "doesn't think work is for him."  MBW said she thinks Oldest has a lot of hard knocks coming his way.

I'm pretty sure she is right.

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