Yesterday I was snuggling in bed with Middle Son and My Beloved Fiancee. We've done this a few times recently. Middle wraps himself in blankets and we lie on either side of him and tickle, hug, and squeeze him. He likes to mush his face up against Beloved. It's his version of a kiss.
We were doing this yesterday, and she started humming with her face mashed up against Middle's. It was a sweet, beautiful moment.
I found myself with tears in my eyes. I was hugely sad that in this beautiful moment I was not with the mother of my children. Not that I actually want to be with my ex-wife, but when we married this is the kind of moment that I expected the two of us to have together over the years.
I remind myself to be grateful for the life that I have now. I have a wonderful woman who loves me more than MomC ever did. Who is capable of making deep, meaningful connections with Middle. Who has the strength to carry the load alongside me.
And I'm still sad.